Game of Thrones: No One

Did anybody else get the feeling that No One, the latest episode of Game of Thrones felt like the victim of budget cuts? Because there could have been some great moments, but ultimately the way those moments were presented felt anticlimactic. Maybe those funds were funneled into next week's hopefully badass episode? Anyway...

Two Out of Three Ain't Bad

When we left the Hound last week, he had taken up an axe and was on his way to obliterate the Brotherhood Without Banners members who slaughtered his friends. And obliterate he did. He came across four nitwits and quickly dispatched them. Then he came across Beric Dondarrion, the leader of the Brotherhood Without Banners, and Thoros of Myr, the drunken Red Priest who keeps resurrecting Beric. And it turns out those idiots who slaughtered that poor commune were about to be hanged for their crimes. The Hound worked out a deal with Beric so he could kill two of them. He was also offered a chance to join the Brotherhood and travel north to fight White Walkers. The Hound would be a great asset in fighting White Walkers, but imagine he dies up there and gets turned? Now you've got a hulking White Walking Hound. And what if he's attacking alongside a White Walking Hodor?!? I'm sure there's already fan fiction of this going around.

Warning: Book Spoiler below.

Also of note in the books, Beric Dondarrion gave his life so Catelyn Stark could live again as the zombie Lady Stoneheart. Beric being alive here seems to mean this plotline will most likely not occur. My question is why is this an issue for book fans? Catelyn Stark was just about the most irritating character on the TV show up there with Skyler on Breaking Bad. Why would you want her to come back? Is Lady Stoneheart that much of a better character?

A Pointless Death



With Jaime basically threatening Edmure's family even though it sounds like he may have been bluffing, and Brienne's failure to convince the Blackfish to relinquish the castle, the Lannisters and Freys retook Riverrun, and in budget cut #1, the Blackfish was killed off screen. He was touted as this legendary warrior, and he kind of went out in a very non legendary way. Now the Tully army is stuck in Riverrun and Jon & Sansa aren't getting reinforcements.

Clegane Bowl Cancelled!

I'm still finding it kind of hard to have any sympathy for Cersei. She played her Mountain card fairly early in declining to meet with the High Sparrow. And now Tommen, who has been either brainwashed or coerced by the High Sparrow, has outlawed trials by combat. So no Clegane Bowl, no Hound vs. the Mountain. Just more courtroom drama with a beaten Cersei and Loras.

But all is not totally shitty for Cersei. Qyburn's little birds have confirmed the rumor that Cersei told him about. The odds on favorite rumor here is that there is a massive storage of wildfire beneath King's Landing. It's possible Bran saw this in his vision, and Cersei is going to literally burn down the city.

You Guys Had ONE Job!



Tyrion has never shown that he's been more unfit to lead than in this episode. Sure there's a tenuous peace and he's trying to get Grey Worm and Missandei to drink and tell jokes and relax, but Tyrion put up that "Mission Accomplished" banner way too soon. The Masters came back in full force with their fleet hurtling great balls of fire at the pyramid. And budget cut #2, Dany finally came back with Drogon, although you only saw a faint silhouette of him flying away in the background because dragon CGI is pricey CGI. She's basically a mom who has come home to find out her kids threw a party and everything turned to shit. Is this the precursor to seeing three dragons unleashed? Yes please?!?

A Girl is Arya Stark of Winterfell



Arya healed from her stab wounds at a Wolverine rate. Then after the Waif murdered Lady Crane, the two chased each other through the streets like Assassin's Creed parkour. Ultimately, Arya bested the Waif by literally turning out the lights. And in budget cut #3, we don't even see the fight. But hey! The lights were out anyway so the Waif probably never saw it either! And now Arya's headed back to Winterfell. I wonder if she knows it's been taken over by a psychopathic nutjob?

And here's the preview for next week's "one location" episode, Battle of the Bastards, where Jon Snow and Ramsay Bolton fight for Winterfell and the North. Jon's wildling army looks completely over-matched even with a giant on their side, but Littlefinger and the Army of the Vale are probably going to come in at the last minute to save the day. But what are the odds Jon and Sansa survive? And Ramsay is just despicable enough to survive this episode just to spite us.