Game of Thrones: Oathkeeper

This week's episode of Game of Thrones, Oathkeeper gave us motivational speeches, conspiracies, and a supernatural ritual that really ticked off some book readers.

Note: I haven't read the books so any commentary I make is completely based on the show.

Justice League of Unsullied

Between Davos learning to read, and Grey Worm learning the common tongue, when did Game of Thrones turn into Sesame Street? Anyway, this was just a precursor for Grey Worm and his Delta Force Unsullied to sneak into Meereen and convince the slaves to rise up and "kill the masters." And by convince I mean give them swords. A little A-Team montage of them getting ready would have worked nicely. It's a genius move actually. Get the slaves to do the dirty work and you don't risk losing any of your Unsullied. So the slaves went out to kill the masters, well at least one of them. And just to drive the point home even further, Dany had the remaining masters crucified. Now before you think this is too cruel like Ser Barristan Selmy did and she should have shown some mercy, remember the masters crucified 163 children. Justice indeed.



Brotherly Love

After Jaime got knocked around by his own hand (missed opportunity for Bronn to say 'stop hitting yourself') and some goading by Bronn, he finally visited his little brother in the dungeons. As far as Lannisters go, these are really the only two left who have any sense of righteousness or kindness.

A Man With No Motive is a Man No One Suspects

Thankfully the mystery of who killed Joffrey wasn't drawn out too long. Seriously, did anybody suspect Littlefinger? I completely forgot about him and even forgot that he was going to the Eyrie to marry Lysa, Lady Cat's sister. So my earlier accusation of Sansa being the "next best thing" was kind of wrong since crazy Lysa is technically the "next best thing." Anyway, Sansa performed her own deductions and got Baelish monologuing about how no one would ever suspect him for killing Joffrey. I'm not even sure Sherlock Holmes could have figured that out. But he didn't act alone. Sansa was an unexpected accomplice because she had the necklace that had the poison. But how did the poison get to Joffrey? Leave it to the other accomplice.

Lady Olenna the Avenger

Do you ever get the feeling that Game of Thrones is just one giant cutthroat game of Survivor? I ruled out Lady Olenna because I didn't think she would jeopardize Margaery being Queen. But I forgot one important variable; Tommen. Basic plan; kill Joffrey so Margaery doesn't have to suffer a lifetime with him. Instead, she can marry, and better control Tommen since he's way more levelheaded despite being a Lannister. Margaery still gets to be Queen, but she'll have a better time. But how did Olenna poison Joffrey's? At the wedding we saw her fiddle with Sansa's necklace. But when did she administer the poison? Did she go all Emma Peel and stealthily slip it in his wine? And doesn't this plan sound a little too Ocean's Eleven? I mean, why hide the poison in Sansa's necklace? The Kingsguard security has proven they have more holes than the TSA. It just seems like the elaborateness of the plan was unnecessary.

Tommen Just Hit Puberty

Does Tommen have copies of Playboy stashed under his bed? Nope, but he has the next best thing, a cat named Ser Pounce (Ser Pounce?!? No wonder Joffrey made fun of him) and a beautiful woman in his bedroom. It doesn't matter if Margaery is pulling his strings, and probably something else eventually, because it looks like he wants his strings pulled. And between Tywin and Margaery, Tommen is going to have more strings controlling him than Pinocchio.

The Oathkeepers

The Kingslayer seems to be on a goodwill tour. Earlier he visited his brother to get his side of the story. Now he's honoring his oath to keep Sansa safe by sending Brienne out to find her, thereby allowing Brienne to keep her oath to Lady Cat. Gifting Brienne with new armor and his Valyrian sword, he's also sending a stupidly grinning Podrick along with her undoubtedly saving his life. This doesn't really make up for raping your sister last week in front of your dead son, but it looks like someone is on the path to repentance.

Jon Snow Gets Almost No Respect

Look at this chicken eating bastard. Ser Alliser Thorne really hates Jon Snow. So much so he won't listen to him even when he's making sense. Thorne's like Starscream, a horrible leader who seized leadership, and now we're just waiting for him to get obliterated. Jon Snow gave his best Braveheart impression imploring his brothers to help him go to Craster's and either talk some sense into or more likely kill Karl and the mutineers. And look who volunteered, Locke, that dude who cut off Jaime's hand. In this situation, Jon Snow really does know nothing and is going to get blindsided.

Meanwhile, Karl is living it up with his merry band of insurgents raping Craster's daughters/wives and drinking wine out of and talking to the Lord Commander's skull. This is one sick version of Hamlet. Burn Gorman is usually known for his nerdier roles in Torchwood and Pacific Rim. Seeing him here is much more disturbing and a little jarring. But I guess it helps avoid typecasting.

Anyway, Bran and the Scooby gang were also nearby and he went Oculus Rift with his wolf Summer. Unfortunately Bran wasn't as adept at Splinter Cell as he thought he was because he fell into a freaking trap. And thanks to Daphne, er Meera, they all got caught. Jinkies! But fortunately Jon Snow is on his way. Unfortunately, he's bringing a guy who's trying to kill him, and he doesn't know Bran is a prisoner, so the odds look bad.

The Walking Frozen Dead

No wonder these guys are taking so long to invade Westeros. They sure take their sweet ass time walking everywhere. But the main thing I get from this scene is the White Walkers aren't mindless zombies. They flat out know what they're doing. They're dressed remarkably well, they're taking Craster's babies and turning them into White Crawlers, and much like Dany, they're probably building an army. How badass would it be to see a White Walker army taking on Dany's dragons? It's classic fire versus ice.

On the next episode titled First of His Name, Tommen gets crowned, Cersei's acting bitchy again, Littlefinger looks disappointed with Lysa, Arya pricks the Hound, and Jon Snow attacks Craster's Keep.